Thursday, 31 March 2016

Spirits, Spirits, and Spooky Butlers.

I was taking some fresh clothes out of a drawer in my bedroom earlier when I heard a prolonged, rasping grunt coming from somewhere close by. This is becoming a repeating pattern. Several times recently I’ve been sitting in my armchair in the living room when I’ve heard a loud exhale of breath to my left. I wonder what it is (or who.) It’s quite spooky when it happens, but what can I do except use it as an excuse for getting more than a little inebriated before going to bed?

So, being in the mood, I watched about fifteen minutes of a third rate Hammer-style horror film on YouTube. I switched it off because: a) it was getting too silly, and b) the horses were upstaging the people. They were white and very beautiful (the horses, that is.) But fifteen minutes was enough to whet my appetite for becoming one of those butlers who serve an ancient (and tragically cursed) family in an old dark house, and who frown a lot while doing the I-know-a-lot-more-about-what’s-really-going-on-here-than-you-think-I-do look. Maybe I could learn to grunt unseen from behind the arras and spook the virgin (there’s always a virgin who’s terribly innocent and easily spooked.)

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