Q. Why didn’t you continue your education beyond sixteen?
A. Because when I was fifteen my stepfather asked me what I
was going to do when I left school. I said I was going to go to another school
and take A-levels, and then go to university and become a geologist. His face
turned a whiter shade of pale and he began to shake. ‘I’m not paying good money
to keep you sitting on your fat arse in a classroom,’ he said. ‘You’ll go out
and work for a living like everybody else.’ Did I ever mention he had strong
sociopathic tendencies? He did.
Q. Why aren’t you married?
A. I’m not the type. I don’t compromise easily and I have to
keep moving on. Besides, what woman is going to happily accept that she's married about seventeen different personas and she doesn't get to choose which one comes next?
Q. Why did you leave the navy?
A. The level of control was intolerable. It was driving me
to distraction and beyond.
Q. Why are you such a loner?
A. It saves on Christmas presents.
Q. Why do you drink so much late at night?
A. Sleep comes easier if you remove the suit of armour
first.
And there’s a bonus ball:
Q. Have you lived in these parts all your life?
A. Not yet. (I stole that one from Lee Evans. Couldn’t leave
it out, but I dislike the number 6.)
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