On Old Posts and a Theory.

I just read an old post which I made in 2013 because my stats showed that somebody from Singapore had read it. I find it both intriguing and incomprehensible that somebody on the other side of the world, somebody who has never met me and never will, should take the trouble to select and read something I wrote nine years ago. But life can be like that, can’t it? Mysteries, mysteries everywhere, nor any drop to make sense of.

The interesting thing about reading old posts, though, is that they show me what kind of mindset I was in when I wrote them, and that tells me something about how my mindset has changed in the intervening years. What I’m discovering is that whereas my mind used to have sunny days, bright days, dull days, and a number of dark periods, the picture now shows a few bright days, rather more dull days, and longer periods of more intense darkness. (The pit I was in late this afternoon and this evening, for example, was deeper and darker than anything I ever remember.) So is there any sense to be made of this, or can it all be ascribed to the random vicissitudes of a finite existence which has no point, purpose, or place in some bigger scheme of things?

Well, I do give a high degree of credence to the concept of reincarnation (or the cycle of life, death and rebirth as I gather the Buddhists prefer to call it.) So what I’m hoping is that the experience of deep depression – and what that does to both your world view and your inner sense of being – will stay with me to be used next time around. And then maybe I will find the means to put it to good use by helping those so afflicted (and especially those who can’t afford either private health insurance or the exorbitant cost of private psychotherapy.) And then it will all be for the best in the best of all possible worlds, won’t it?

And it might all be a load of old drivel, but I’ve always felt the need to rationalise just about everything that happens to me and this is the latest example. (Incidentally, the newest addition to the catalogue of health issues has been particularly uncomfortable today, and rationalising helps a bit even with that.)