The Problem of Self-Improvement.

One of the comment replies I referred to in the last post suggests that I might, indeed, be sometimes guilty of arrogance, pomposity and a sneering disposition, and that isn’t good. My reputation with other people matters little to me, but my reputation with myself does. And so it occurs to me that I should try harder to be a better person, and it further occurs to me that the watchword should be ‘humility.’

The problem with humility is that it comes in several forms, most of which are quite awful to behold. The best of them, however, the most genuine sort, the most selfless sort, the sort entirely unsullied by affectation, is a consummation devoutly to be wished. So that is the sort for which I should probably strive. Ah, but… would I not then be falling into the trap of becoming sanctimonious? That wouldn’t be good either.

You know, self-awareness and the striving for self-improvement is not as easy as I feel it ought to be. I wonder how the self-styled gurus who infect YouTube like a latter day version of the Black Death manage it. I don’t suppose they do. I don’t suppose they even try.

So maybe I shouldn’t. Some of the most famous people who have ever lived have been arrogant, pompous and sneering. But do I want to be a most famous person? Certainly not, for what does fame avail you once you’ve gone the way of all flesh? Oscar Wilde might at this very moment be lying prone in the gutter with nothing but wet mud to look at, now that he has nowhere to declare his genius.

I find myself recalling the words of Jacob Marley on Christmas Eve: ‘Business! Mankind was my business!’ Maybe that’s the secret. Or maybe it isn’t.