Me and the Mood and the Muse

I’m in one of those moods today where I feel suffocated by a sense of disappointment at the quality of my fellow human beings. The European Election results didn’t help because they demonstrated yet again that a war is building between the minority given to the principles of light, reason, compassion and inclusivity, and the majority convinced of the need to be selfish, bigoted, prejudiced, self-righteous and exclusive. The sight of an exultant Nigel Farage sent me plummeting, as did the phrase ‘success of the nationalist parties.’ I remember feeling the same way when I first read Trump’s small minded dictum America First. But I was buoyed on that occasion by a sense of relief that at least I don’t have to live in America. Last night’s results were much closer to home. (Do I have a home? I’m not sure that I do.)

And in such a mood I’m led to wonder why I write blog posts like the one I did last night – posts which are both intensely personal and necessarily enigmatic. The answer is simple as always: I’m just thinking aloud, and thinking aloud is an inevitable corollary of having nobody to talk to 99% of the time (I worked it out recently that it’s actually 99.25%.) And the reason I spend so much time alone is that I can’t climb back into the groove which western culture insists is the only proper way to live and the only one it is prepared to support. Walking in the groove is as much a psychological phenomenon as it is a practical and physical one. Once your mind has seen something, it can’t unsee it.

As for the blog, I’m sure my tendency to talk aloud is the reason it gets so few visitors. But it doesn’t take long to conclude that it really doesn’t matter because the infinite space outside the groove at least gives you the occasional glimpse of magic, even though we all know that magic is a delusion. The wage slave drivers cracking their whips in the groove say so, and they know they’re right.