I know, I can see it.
I expect lots of the cars which come up this lane are familiar to you. You live
here. So what?
Yes, but this one’s special.
Why?
Because the driver is somebody who has occupied a prime seat
at the top table of my consciousness for a long time.
Oh, I see. Is that a
problem?
Yes.
Why?
Because I don’t know whether to wave or not.
You don’t know whether
to wave or not?
No.
I don’t get it. If you
see a familiar car being driven by somebody who happens to be significant to
you, what’s the problem with waving at them?
Reciprocity. Or, to be more precise, the lack thereof.
God, you’re a weird
one sometimes. Go on then: explain.
Well, I don’t hold any seat at all in the consciousness of
the driver. Or if I do, it’s one a little below that occupied by an earthworm
struggling to cross a dry road on a hot summer’s day. So if I wave I’ll be
guilty of both pretension and presumption, but if I don’t wave I’ll be seen as
impolite. And stop looking at me like that. And stop shaking your head. I’m a
sensitive bloke, you know.
Mmm. Don’t I just? OK,
so the issue is one of self-perception, in which case all you have to do is
decide whether you’d rather be seen as pretentious and presumptuous or impolite.
Which is it?
Well now, let’s see. Pretension and presumption are
subjective faults; rudeness is objective. I think I’d prefer the former.
Good. So wave. I
calculate you have approximately 1½ seconds in which to perform the dreaded
deed.
* * *
There, now. That
wasn’t so difficult, was it? Do you feel better?
No.
* * *
This makes quite a change for me, you know. I’m usually the
one in italics.
The End
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