A Disconcerting Day.

I sat down to eat my carton of chips today on the brick-built thing that used to have something on it but hasn’t any more (but you can still sit on it.) It wasn’t long before the man sitting on the other side began vomiting over his trousers, and he continued to do so for quite some time. I found it a little disconcerting. I got used to having people vomiting in buckets next to me while I was having breakfast during my short time before the mast, but we were, after all, in the middle of the Atlantic and there was a force 11 storm raging. That was a long time ago and now I’m out of practice, which is why it was a little disconcerting.

(Goes to Asda and reads headlines in tabloids extolling the virtues of Boris Johnson. Goes to favourite charity shop and learns that it will be closing on Friday. Both were a little disconcerting.)

So then I returned to my car, only to discover a small pool of something oily beneath the rear passenger door on the driver’s side. I found it a little disconcerting because it was underneath one of the brake pipes.

(Check brake fluid reservoir and find it full. Move car to different parking bay to see whether – given time – it produces another oily pool.)

I decided to check my phone because I’d heard it beep a couple of times indicating messages or missed calls. No phone. Checked all pockets of my backpack but found nothing remotely resembling a mobile phone in any of them. That was more than a little disconcerting; that engendered a rising sense of panic, since losing a phone can be a matter of some consequence.

(Retraced steps through town in search of evidently dropped phone. Discovered it had been picked up in another charity shop and was awaiting my collection. Much relief. Returned to car and found no repeat of oily substance pool. More relief. Returned home and found a squirrel finishing up the food on the bird table. He regarded me defiantly before running away.)

I could mention the two young and highly attractive women with whom contact was made during the course of all this, but that wasn’t in the least disconcerting so I won’t bother.