Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Two Days: Junk and Strangeness.

I had a real junk day yesterday. I had five of those silent phone calls – the ones that come from random diallings by foreign call centres. I’ve never had five in one day before. And then my blog was suddenly infested with a succession of bots last night. I hadn’t had one for several days, but last night they chose to arrive in the manner of London buses. And on the very day that I started the spring cleaning in the kitchen, too.  There’s no justice. It strengthened my growing conviction that humans are a funny lot.

I walked around Uttoxeter today, watching all the people and thinking ‘Aren’t humans a funny lot?’ I was looking for a fellow alien, but I didn’t see any. I did, however, have an unusually posh lunch by my standards: not a bag of chips this time, but a cheese and onion sandwich with grated carrot and mayonnaise. And a cake. And several people smiled at me unaccountably, which aroused my suspicions well and proper.

I gather it’s considered quite common for mad people to think they’re aliens. Well, all I can say on the matter is: We aliens aren’t as mad as you think we are.

My current mood resembles a Mexican jumping bean, which makes me wonder whether aliens are allergic to carrot. I have the promise of an antidote, though – a ‘craft beer’ made by somebody called Mr Robinson. It only cost 99p. I might report on it later.

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