Date: 23rd April 2014
This is the log of the Nostromo. Report entered by Captain JJ ‘Jitterbugger’ Beazley.
Disaster struck the ship at 0110 BST this morning. Vital life support provided by the Internet failed. All attempts at restitution by ISP Technical Support were unsuccessful and the ship is now drifting.
We have food for a few days only. Power and water supplies are unaffected, however, and we have scotch for about two weeks, so we remain optimistic. The next few hours will be critical.
The fact that you have received this bulletin proves that life support has been re-established. Whether we will have survived the outage remains an unknown. If you never hear more of us, pray for our souls. God Bless
America the Shire.