Little Nigel's Big Day Out.

There’s an amusing little news report in today’s media to the effect that Nigel Farage has become the first British politician to meet President-elect Donald Trump.

My first thought was ‘why?’, to which the answer came quick as a flash: ‘because no other British politician would want to meet President-elect Donald Trump.’ But it’s not that simple; there’s still a mystery.

I think it reasonable to assume that Farage didn’t just fly over to America and tell customs: ‘I want to meet Donald Trump.’ It wouldn’t work, would it? You’d either be locked up in a police cell for causing a disturbance, or locked up in an asylum on the reasonable presumption of insanity. That being the case, he must have been invited. So why would Nigel Farage be the first British politician Trump invites over the pond to meet him? Let’s take a look at Mr F.

In terms of British politics, Farage is a nobody. It’s true he used to be leader of the right wing fringe organisation known as the United Kingdom Independence Party, but it was never really a bona fide political party because it had only one policy: build a big wall around Britain so that no foreigners can get in unless they’re either crazily rich or of some general benefit to what’s left of the Empire. UKIP drew its support from the ranks of the living brain dead, and is now in purportedly terminal decline following fisticuffs among the delegates at a recent conference and the defection of some prominent members (prominence being a relative term, of course.) And Farage isn’t even the leader any more. His only political credential now is that he’s a rank-and-file British MEP in the European Union (which is a bit ironic considering the fact that his was one of the loudest ‘Leave’ voices at Brexit time.)

So why did he get the big ‘come over’ from Trump? I don’t know. Maybe Donald is banking on the fact that Americans don’t know how insignificant Farage is. Maybe he was hoping to dupe the great American public into thinking that the big guns from the old country are on his side. Sorry to disappoint you, America, but Farage is nothing more than a plastic pea shooter. Or maybe he was hoping that Nigel had researched the subject of building big walls around countries and wanted some advice regarding his Mexican project. My favourite theory, though, is that the pair of them were cashing in on the enduring popularity of Laurel and Hardy, but it’s only a theory. The mystery remains.

Anyway, here’s a picture of Stan and Ollie in action. In case you don’t know, Trump is the one with the big head and smug expression. Farage is the little Brit with the little flag and the grin that I would be tempted to describe as ‘orgasmic’ if only I could persuade myself that his mental age had passed puberty.