Wednesday, 18 February 2015

A Nocturnal Possibility.

Mel suggested this evening that I should develop the habit of staying up all night and sleeping during the day. I can see the appeal, but there’s a worry:

The English countryside is replete with stakes. It seems that nearly everybody has one or more of them. Even I have one, although it’s pretty blunt. I’m sure they all have hammers, too. And where would I find three squeaky maidens to keep me company while I awaited the inevitable?


Madeline said...

You should ask my mom about this; she lived a nocturnal lifestyle for several years in the 1980s, before I was born. It's easy over here because Americans have guns instead of stakes.

JJ Beazley said...

Intriguing. Two questions:

1. Why?

2. Did she squeak?

... and one comment:

Stakes are so much more romantic than guns for the same reason that wool is so much more comfortable than nylon.

Madeline said...

1. She worked the night shift as a nurse.

2. Don't know, you'll have to ask her.

Agreed. But stakes are also limiting, which is why I prefer a crossbow above all.

JJ Beazley said...

I always had a soft spot for nurses. The first crush I ever remember having was for a nurse. I was twelve at the time and engaged in relinquishing my appendix.

On the morning of my discharge I felt very glum at the prospect of enforced separation from her, and it must have showed. She walked into the room and said ‘Cheer up. It might never happen.’ Neither did it, not for a while at least.

Later in life (when I was just a little older than you) I lived with one for three years. I used to watch her walk across the hospital yard, marvelling at how sweet she looked in her pristine white apron, cute little cap, and the cape she had draped over her shoulders. My, she was a picture. She subsequently took two overdoses, but didn’t die of either of them. I don’t think they wear uniforms like that any more. And a doctor told me recently that they spend all their time compiling statistics these days, while studiously ignoring the needs of the patients. Politicians and their games, you know.

* * *

I think it might be ill advised to ask your mama whether she ever squeaked. A ditty is forming…

For her look would be steely and deadpan
As she held me in thrall to her stare
Till with strong arm still wielding a bed pan
She would fetch me a nice one, just there

* * *

I approve of the crossbow, with one reservation. Wouldn’t the bolt fall out when you pointed it downwards?

JJ Beazley said...

Oh, by the way
I meant to say
I'm being Rupert Bear today

(Don't suppose you ever read Rupert Bear, did you? Thought not.)

I meant to say that I hope you're keeping warm. I gather the igloo builders are doing good business in upstate NY. Maybe Rhode Island is faring better?

Anonymous said...

They have a lot more snow in RI than here in NY. We visited the scholar today and were impressed by the amount of snow. But it was very warm today, 42 degrees F. We spotted several people wearing shorts. Tonight it's supposed to drop to -10.

And I've never hit anyone with a bedpan. At least not on purpose.

JJ Beazley said...

The Scholar. I like that - sounds Shakespearean.

I don't envy your -10. We had something similar here a couple of winters ago. Today has been chilly and windy with driving sleet and snow. Miserable.

Stay warm. Drink antifreeze. Keep the home fires burning for the return of the native. She's a gem, you know?

There's always a first for bedpans...