Mary Poppins in the Machine.

When I bought my new washing machine a few months ago, I put the first load in on the programme I wanted and discovered that the cycle lasted about half an hour longer than it said on the timer display. I rang the dealer because I assumed it was a fault.

Apparently not. They told me that modern washing machines are very intelligent, and they know what you really want, even when you don’t.

Aren’t modern times wonderful? Even the washing machines have a mind of their own now, and what’s the first thing they gravitate towards? A nanny complex.