1. My personal affairs. I’m having trouble with several large corporations this week because their systems are broken. It’s quite maddening. The health issues continue to cause difficulty. So does getting older.
2. I look beyond that to the state of the country I live in. I see political and economic turmoil which threatens to cause an awful lot of confusion and hardship in the foreseeable future. It could even lead to blood on the streets of Hemel Hempstead.
3. I look further out again to the state of the world and see wars, abuses of power, and people protesting because they’ve had enough of being beaten down and trodden on. Ukraine, Haiti, Hong Kong, Iran, China, and more. I even wonder what that funny little man from North Korea who likes to fire missiles all around the western Pacific is going to do next. (Although I suspect that North Korea is actually the world’s paper tiger, but if you told the funny little man that he’d probably shoot off a few nuclear warheads in the direction of Tokyo, which wouldn’t be very nice.) And then there’s climate change…
Is any of this real, I ask myself. (Now we’re back to whether or not we’re just a simulation in a very big computer.) What does ‘real’ actually mean, I go on to ask myself further. (Because questions like that always come back to semantics and lead to further questions, like ‘why can’t I just have an off switch like everybody else?’)
This is why I never want to get up in the morning. This is why I’m tired of living and scared of dying. This is why I continue to long for that communication which will put a spring back into my step. Ironically, it’s also why I’m quite convinced it will never arrive.
(And I’m only giving vent to this rant because nothing worth reporting happened today, and even the birds in the garden are scared of me. I think I must be projecting bad energies.)
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