Searching in the Dark.

Tonight I began to sense that some of the people who have been so important to me over the past few years were merely hallucinations. My brain didn’t think so, but something deep in my consciousness felt it. Is this yet another sign of incipient insanity or a further glimpse of the true nature of reality?

Maybe it was due to the fact that I felt ill in a way that is difficult to describe. No physical symptoms, just ill. I felt like a light bulb working on reduced voltage.

It caused me to think of death again, and I wondered whether most people in developed cultures see only darkness for a time because our materially-obsessed societies don’t prepare us for the awakening.

How can I know? How can any of us really know? While preachers, sages and gurus strut their didactic stuff, all I can do is wait patiently and ramble inanely in the meantime. I was a preacher once. Not any more.

Today somebody said ‘thank you’ to me three times. I think that’s a record for one day, and wholly undeserved.