Tuesday, 17 September 2019

Nurture vs Nature.

I have an appointment to see my doctor this afternoon to discuss a somewhat contentious issue.

I’m a little nervous about this because I was conditioned by my mother from my earliest recollection to regard the doctor as the ultimate authority figure whose orders must be obeyed in every circumstance. Resistance is not only useless, but very nearly a capital crime where the doctor is concerned.

This doesn’t sit easily with me. I dislike authority figures in all circumstances, and mostly I’m congenitally inclined to distrust them. And that causes conflict.

Sometimes I wonder whether I’m being weak and giving in too easily. At other times I wonder whether I’m being unreasonably bloody-minded and refusing for the sake of refusing. Making a sensible, informed decision isn’t easy when there’s a battle raging inside your head and you’re desperate to quieten the maddening noise of a howitzer battery.

And so the stresses go on and life doesn’t get any easier.

*  *  *

And a little side note:

I was in a charity shop yesterday, browsing the random mix of sundry, ‘pre-loved’ items laid out and waiting for a home. A young woman with long hair came walking towards me and said:

‘Did you want to pay for something?’ At this point I realised that my inquisitor was, in fact, a young man. At least I think it was.

I’m sorry? I asked quizzically.

‘Did you want to pay for something?’

No.

And then he (I think) walked away and continued with whatever business he (apparently) was engaged in. And people call me strange.

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