More on Being Noticed.

It is happening again.

(That’s one of my favourite lines from Twin Peaks. Back in the early nineties I lived in Twin Peaks for the duration of its run on British TV. It matched the many and varied energies filling my life at the time perfectly, so the transition from the gloom of Northumberland to the dark and danger – and occasional hilarious absurdity – of Washington State was easy. And before you ask, the answer to your question is Donna.)

But back to the beginning: what is happening again?

Women apparently noticing me. I was idly browsing (I seem to spend my life these days idly browsing) the reduced lines in Tesco today. There was a young woman in front of me – at a perfectly respectful distance I should point out – and after a few minutes she turned to look at me and then moved away. But she’d only walked about three paces before she turned to look at me again, and a hint of a smile appeared on her lips. So what was that about? What is it about me that is worth an amused double take?

After that I went into another store where a young woman was on her knees arranging the merchandise on a lower shelf. She looked up at me and smiled broadly, and repeated the action at least three more times while I was (guess what) idly browsing the shower curtains. And when I decided that none of the shower curtains would do and made to leave, she did it again. (I didn’t return her smile that time. I felt there was a level of presumption creeping into this young woman’s behaviour of which I did not entirely approve.)

I really don’t understand this. As far as I’m concerned, the only remarkable thing about me is the difference in age between what I see staring back at me from mirrors and shop windows, and how I feel inside. It’s about thirty years, give or take a few. But it appears there’s something else of which I’m unaware.

I wonder whether it’s the fact that I have Daniel Craig-style high cheekbones and a similar head shape. Maybe they think I’m James Bond’s older brother. Or maybe it’s my hair which is overdue for a cut. Maybe I look like a cartoon character.

I do wish one of them would have the courage to come over and explain:

‘Excuse me, but did you know that your nose is a really silly shape?’

And then at least I’d know, wouldn’t I?