(Today I paid out rather more money than I cared to afford
in order to be rid of one of them, only it hasn’t worked. It’s simply changed
the nature of the issue. What then? I also made the phone call to arrange to do
something I’ve been dreading for over a year – and still am.)
What do you do when you wake up prematurely every morning
with a painful knot of anxiety in your midriff, and so going to bed is
difficult because you know what’s coming next and it isn’t very nice? Go to a
doctor and get anti-stress medication? I don’t think so. How would I be aware
of the things I want to be aware of and feel the things I want to feel if I
started taking zombie pills? And how would I retain the mental faculty to
express the things I want to express (I would have to stop throwing pithy paper darts
at Trump, for example, and that would be a gross dereliction of my duty
as a concerned inhabitant of the earth realm.)
So what do you do? As far as I can see, the only thing to do
is carry on putting one foot in front of the other, shouldering the weight of
cares and trying to ignore the repetitive hammer blows to the head. I suppose
that’s what you do. And you push aside the nasty little imp who keeps telling
you to give up and just go because the effort isn’t worth it. I never was one for taking
advice.
* * *
I was told recently that I’m a person of higher frequency,
and that such people comprise 1% of the population. Ha! Do I believe it? I don’t
do belief but I’m open to anything which can’t be disproved, so maybe. I do
exhibit most of the proclaimed symptoms and they do make life difficult, but
there’s a problem. Such people are apparently supposed to be ‘light workers’,
whatever they are. In that at least I can claim to be a total failure without fear
of being accused of unwarranted self-deprecation.
3 comments:
I'm very sorry to hear about your stress and anxiety. I hope that things will go better than you think. But good that you keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes I think the best medicine in life is distraction, as long as it's healthy of course (a bit subjective, haha). Lots of good wishes to you and as the Dutch say, sterkte (have strength).
Try listening to a book on tape. You will either be distracted, as above, or better yet you will fall back to sleep. n.
Thank you both, ladies. I do realise that everybody's life has its ups and downs, it's just that mine went into a predominantly down phase fifteen years ago and hasn't really come out of it yet. It's becoming a bit tiresome and I was just letting off a bit of steam. No worries.
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