Vivacious Victoria!

Having just watched Victoria Coren on the telly, I feel inclined to wax eloquent about her incredibly sexy eyes. But of course, I won’t. I have a question to pose instead.

How does a woman with eyes like that manage to be a poker champion? I assume she must waive the usual inscrutability method in favour of a deflection technique that leaves her male opponents floundering.

I would be very happy to have her come and trump my ace at her earliest convenience, and I pledge to offer a right royal flush in response. I said I wasn’t going to wax eloquent, didn’t I...