Have you ever suffered that dilemma in which you can’t work out whether you’re doing too much or not enough? Whether to be or not to be is the right answer. And your stomach’s turning over because some fickle finger will extend or withdraw based on your choice of action or inaction. And you sense that one of two conditions apply: either you’re being watched, tested and scrutinised, or the invigilator is completely indifferent to you, in which case the thumb is going to turn down anyway because that is its default position. And you care madly, even though you know it would be better not to care at all. And so you try not to care, but that’s no good because it robs you of something precious.
So you do nothing and convince yourself that nothing is the right thing to do. But then you’re guilty of apathy, even though you’re anything but apathetic.
In such circumstances, indifference is not an option.
Life can be confusing at times.
But at least I can report that Pennsylvania was today’s first visitor again. Such joy in small consistencies.
3 comments:
Maybe, Jeffrey, such circumstances arise when one is over-analytical of non-existent circumstances.
I am so tired, in general. I've barely talked to anyone, you know. Life is exhausting right now, or should I say I am exhausted?
That didn't come out right. I just meant that you may be reading too much into life's behavior. Maybe life wants a break from life sometimes.
I'm not making any sense. In any case, you are not to blame for life's inconsistencies. Nor her schedule. Nor her mind. Chaos.
Interesting. I think you're making sense, Zoe, but how would I know? It's lunchtime. I'm more sensible at lunchtime.
Post a Comment