My New Conspiracy Theory.

You might recall my recent post about Germans being advised to stock up on food and bottled water. The last paragraph began ‘Is there more to come?’ Seems there is, because now I read that the German government is thinking of reintroducing National Service. (Like, conscription?)

Oh dear. Nations don’t usually have National Service unless they’re labouring under the perception of an imminent or near-imminent major threat to their national security, do they? Either that or… But no, forget that one. I thought of every which way to say it and it always came out sounding offensive, albeit inadvertently.

Of course, there is a third alternative. Could it be that at this very minute, several battalions of NATO troops are getting kitted out in Russian uniforms and climbing into facsimile Russian tanks all ready to drive into Berlin. And they will, of course, be drawn from ex-Soviet Bloc countries which have Slavic languages (like Poland, ironically) so that when they block off the Brandenburg Gate and declare ‘Resistance is useless!’ it will sound convincing. And then the Germans can reply ‘We’re ready for you, Boris. There’ll be no retreat from Moscow this time, mate; and watch out Stalingrad! Expect big things that go 'bang' to be fired in the direction of your capital within the hour, and always remember that you started it!’

Which isn’t very likely, I suppose (although I gather Mr Putin is thinking along similar lines.)

p.s. Only kidding.