Friday, 1 May 2020

Failing with Holly.

I asked a question of a machine today. It was the cyber assistant to which I was directed when I wanted to know something from a supplier. Its name was Holly and I didn’t get an answer.

I assume she was named after the talking face of the computer in the TV series Red Dwarf which used to be a favourite of mine, a virtual woman whose thought processes could be a little odd at times but who looked human and was perfectly capable of rational appraisal and response. But there were two vital differences:

1. Today’s Holly had neither a face nor a voice and the question was directed entirely through a keyboard.

2. Neither did she have a brain.

I’ve had this experience twice lately. This is what they do these days: direct you to a cyber assistant which can’t think. It seems the cyber assistant can recognise certain key words, presume to know what you’re asking, and then respond from a list of FAQs. Only the presumed question bears little or no resemblance to the actual one, which isn’t a great deal of help. Resistance is useless, and then it says ‘goodbye.’ (It doesn’t even say ‘it was nice talking to you’, which might at least ameliorate your frustration very slightly. In fact, today’s cyber assistant didn’t even say ‘goodbye’, it just said ‘Finish’ in big red letters.)

It seems this is yet another example of the corporate world having its own way and making life increasingly dysfunctional. Isn’t it time we got all the CEOs together and forced them to stand neck deep in ice cold water – liberally populated by well fed piranhas which won’t feel well fed for very much longer – until they come to their senses?

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