Wednesday, 17 July 2019

The Tea and Toast Lady.

OK, so let’s talk about the Tea and Toast Lady of Uttoxeter as promised in my last post. (It wasn’t actually a promise, I know, but I suggested I might and that’s almost the same thing. And I always keep my promises. And I have nothing else to do at the moment now that I’ve reached the end of  Mel's David Mitchell’s Soapbox DVDs and I don’t start watching YouTube until midnight.)

So, there’s a man and woman who come into the coffee shop in Uttoxeter every week while I’m taking my relaxation after I’ve trudged around the charity shops and discount stores, eaten my lunch, and chatted with Millie the Pigeon. I would say they’re both probably in their mid-seventies.

He is the very model of ageing conformity in all matters of dress and bearing. If you passed him in the street I doubt you’d notice him at all, much less give him a second glance. His wife – and I assume she is his wife because their interaction has that curious quality of looking bound together but with an undercurrent of distance which characterises the long term married couple – is rather different. She’s fascinating, not least because she bears more than a passing resemblance to Dame Edith Evans in the old British sub-classic movie The Whisperers, a still from which is appended here:

 
So why is she so fascinating that I can’t stop watching her? (And I think she’s noticed since I’ve been doing it once a week for several weeks.) This won’t be easy, but here goes:

She’s a small, slightly built woman who looks as though she fidgets but actually doesn’t. Only her head fidgets. She’s constantly moving it to look at people passing the shop, people in the shop, the décor on the shop wall, the tables and chairs in the shop, the lights hanging from the ceiling of the shop, and the people who work in the shop. And when she’s had enough of that she stares at random empty spaces, no doubt seeking variation to add interest to her observations and meaning to her day. She rarely talks to her husband, nor he to her.

And let’s continue the head theme because it’s a very interesting head, at least the front of it is. Her eyes droop slightly as eyes usually do with advancing age, and yet there’s still a keen interest there which belies the impression that there’s little or no mind behind them to process the information. Her jaw recedes quite noticeably, but above it her rubbery mouth has a permanent pout. And when she opens it, the front upper incisors are seen to protrude noticeably more than their companions. So now I’m coming to the interesting part:

You might remember I mentioned the author who claimed to know which animal or animals had been the repository of a person’s soul in a previous life. Well, this woman has the body type and head movement of a fretful bird, the lips of a fish taking flies from the surface of the water, and the front teeth of a rabbit. And that’s what holds my interest – speculating on the question of which order they came in. I intend no disrespect, really I don’t, just the admission of being fascinated.

So that’s why I watch her almost constantly. I stop when she turns her stare on me because that’s a little unnerving.

And why do I call her the Tea and Toast Lady? Because every week the nondescript husband goes to the counter and returns with a tray bearing a cup of Americano for him, a pot of tea for her, and four slices of buttered toast. That’s two each. Every time.

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