The Matter of Heels and a Hat.

There’s a man I often see tripping up and down the High Street in Uttoxeter. He’s middle aged, short, crowned with a mop of grey hair, and always neatly dressed in a black suit which suggests he’s something in the funeral trade. What I find most noticeable about him, however, is that he wears shoes with a raised heel.

Raised heels on men’s shoes went out of fashion over twenty years ago, and so, given his evident sense of sartorial correctness, I wonder why he does it. I assume it’s because he wants to appear taller than he is, but that raises a question:

If I find his heels the most noticeable feature about him, I expect other people must notice them, too. So is it not likely that people will think: ‘That man is wearing raised heels. He must be even shorter than he looks.’ In which case the wearing of the heels is counter productive, isn’t it?

It’s none of my business, of course. I’m only making the post because it’s the last day of the month and I thought 40 would look better than 39. I could go on to talk about another man who is also short, but he happens to be very wide and wears a broad-brimmed Homburg hat. It gives him the appearance of being square. He’s always accompanied by an aged and rather corpulent, short haired Corgi dog, and together they look like they’ve escaped from a Pixar movie. And then there’s the woman in the coffee shop with one eye much bigger than the other, and who appears to be trying to eat the glass mug when she’s drinking her cappuccino.

But I can’t be bothered. The next hospital visit is looming and my nerves are strained.