Celebrities and the Wider World.

I decided to watch a new TV show tonight, supposedly a selection of hilarious moments from live TV broadcasts. I don’t usually watch that kind of programme, but this one – unusually – was on BBC2. Although not an absolute guarantee of quality, the channel is supposed to cater for the more discerning taste, so I thought I’d give it a go.

I managed ten minutes before I turned it off. By then I’d seen a lot of people fall over, but nothing remotely funny. It seems that discerning taste is much more easily amused than I am. I found the interviews with celebrities a little more enlightening, though. One after another of them left us in no doubt that taking part in live TV is the pinnacle of human risk-taking.

 

‘There’s absolutely no adrenalin rush on earth,’ said one, ‘bigger than hearing that final countdown and knowing you’ll be going live in just a few seconds.’

 

‘No adrenalin rush on earth is bigger.’ That was what she said, and the others agreed. Not even being a student in Tiananmen Square when the tanks were moving in? Or being on the wrong side of the line between Catholic and Protestant communities in 1970s Belfast? Or being shipwrecked in a shark-infested sea?

 

No bigger adrenalin rush, eh? Mmm...

 

And then there’s the fact that thousands of actors and other performers take the stage in theatres every night, and perform live in front of an audience.

 

‘Ah, but their audience isn’t as big as ours,’ the celebrity might argue.

 

‘True, but then you can’t see that audience. All you can see are cameras, production staff and maybe a tiny studio audience which has been let in free. The theatre actor goes on stage to be faced with two or three thousand people staring at them, all of whom have paid a lot of money for their seats and feel entitled to expect the performers to be flawless in every regard.’

 

At one time people didn’t become celebrities until they’d picked themselves up from the hard knocks and earned their place. So many of the present crowd look plastic and manufactured. I wonder whether there are clever machines they’re not telling us about, churning celebrities out to order on a production line. Maybe that’s why they know so little about real life that they think live TV is the greatest adrenalin rush on earth. Maybe.