Fatigue and that Old Awareness Thing.

For some reason I’ve been feeling a lot better over the past few days. The uncomfortable and dispiriting fatigue symptoms which have been holding me down for a few weeks lifted and I’ve come disturbingly close to having a spring in my step again. I would hardly describe it as being on top of the world, but at least I haven’t been hanging onto its tale quite as grimly. Today they’re back. C’est la vie.

(I thought I’d start on the downbeat so there’s nowhere for the rest of the post to go but up. Seemed like a good idea.)

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So, I might mention that I have lots of cornflowers growing in my garden – quite out of control actually, and that’s fine by me. But one small clump grows between the plum tree and the pear tree, and that one I do keep under control with canes and string so that it looks terribly tidy and mature. (Did I say I like tidiness and maturity in certain areas? It’s complicated, but anyway…)

This year it has a small growth of buttercups growing up among the main plant, and it’s holding my attention most oddly. There’s something about the combination of colours – the egg-yoke yellow of the buttercups against the purple/blue of the bigger cornflowers – and the contrast of shapes and sizes that that has me fascinated and staring at them for several minutes at a time. I am aware that blue and yellow are on opposite sides of the colour wheel, and that such a combination is known to be attractive, but my reaction goes beyond that and I don’t know why. All I can say is that being possessed of a manically high level of awareness can be both a curse and a blessing, and in this instance it’s a blessing. They look magical.

I feel the same way about pregnant young women, you know. I saw one in Uttoxeter today wearing a loose-fitting cotton dress which failed to hide the bulge. For some reason I find such a sight close to breathtaking. I choose to presume the rational view that pregnant young women are the ultimate expression of productivity in the material world, and that there’s nothing strange about being aware of the fact.

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For the last twenty four hours I’ve been consumed with thoughts of the Lady B. It’s probably due to having seen her car whizz past my gate yesterday afternoon, and it was towing a trailer. I’ve never seen the Lady B’s car tow a trailer before and I was beset by the notion that this might be the end of civilisation as we know it.