Wednesday, 27 November 2019

On Birthdays, Bikes and Things.

It’s my birthday tomorrow, but please don’t even think of offering felicitations. What is a birthday anyway but another number to add to a list which is growing depressingly long?

My reason for mentioning it is that I realised only today (or it might have been yesterday – the numbers on birthday cards grow in indirect proportion to the number of brain cells capable of storing short term memory) that I don’t remember ever having had a birthday party at any time in my life. Is that unusual? I don’t know.

I went to one once, at around age 10. The recipient was Janice Turner who lived in Friar’s Road, and the only thing I remember about it was knocking something off the table and feeling feverishly embarrassed. I suppose the fact that it was the one and only birthday party I ever attended suggests that such celebrations were much less common then than they are now. Or maybe I was known as the kid who knocks things off tables and was therefore persona non grata. Or it could have been the fact that I was a fat slob in my pre-adolescent period and fat kids didn’t get invited to things. I never knew and I never shall.

And come to think of it, the only childhood birthday I remember at all was the one when I got home from school and was given a parcel sent by my older brother. That was at around the same age, and the parcel contained a set of lights for my bike. I remember feeling very proud of my acquisition because not every kid had lights for his or her bike. In fact, not every kid even had a bike. The fact that my bike had come second hand was of no consequence back then because I lived on the wrong side of the tracks and having a bike made you a bit special. I expect I’d get mugged for it these days, or maybe not since it was second hand.

I do vaguely remember one other birthday when I was much older. The woman I was living with offered to take me out for a meal to celebrate the occasion, but I declined and she became very cross. There were several reasons why I declined, but I don’t think I want to elucidate further because I’ve done quite enough confessing for one week. And I wouldn’t want people thinking ill of me on the eve of my birthday, would I?

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