Thursday, 28 November 2019

Irritants.

I occasionally see hand written signs in shop windows which say something like:

Sorry. Had to pop out. Back in fifteen minutes.

And they never, ever put the time on, so you don’t know when the fifteen minutes started. This goes some way towards vindicating my attitude to human beings.

*  *  *

Somebody who knew of my many dalliances and truncated relationships once called me a commitmentphobe. They were in error. A commitmentphobe is somebody who is capable of making a commitment but dislikes the idea and so fights shy. I never disliked the idea of making a commitment. The intention to commit was, ironically, an integral part of the romance game. The problem was that by the time I approached middle age I realised that I was simply incapable of doing so. I was born without the commitment gene. I suppose it’s a bit like colour blindness and equally blameless.

And then there were those people who told me: ‘You just haven’t met the right woman yet.’ They were so certain of the fact, but they were speaking from ignorance. Had they known me they would have realised that there was no such thing as the right woman. Foolish people are so damnably convinced of their simplistic certainties. And now I really am tired of talking about women.

*  *  *

I woke up in the dark early hours of this morning certain that there was some sort of discarnate entity in my bedroom which was not friendly. It was pretty spooky, and I’m not easily spooked. I convinced myself that it was best ignored and eventually went back to sleep. It's happened before.

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