Describing the I.

I’m going to do something about which I feel reluctant, but I’m going to do it anyway. I’m going to quote somebody else’s writing just because I admire it, and because the chosen passage might explain why I admire it.

The four ‘house guests’ of Hill House – being the dreamy Eleanor, the urbane Theo, the opportunist Luke, and the psychologist Dr Montague – are relaxing after dinner in the house’s only comfortable room. Dr Montague has just related what he knows of the history of the building, and there’s a fire burning in the grate. During a lull in the conversation, the narrative continues:

Eleanor found herself unexpectedly admiring her own feet. Theodora dreamed over the fire just beyond the tips of her toes, and Eleanor thought with deep satisfaction that her feet were handsome in their red sandals; what a complete and separate thing I am, she thought, going from my red toes to the top of my head, individually an I, possessed of attributes belonging only to me. I have red shoes, she thought – that goes with being Eleanor; I dislike lobster and sleep on my left side and crack my knuckles when I am nervous and save buttons. I am holding a brandy glass which is mine because I am here and I am using it and I have a place in this room. I have red shoes and tomorrow I will wake up and I will still be here.

‘I have red shoes,’ she said very softly, and Theodora turned and smiled up at her.

What a splendid way to describe a shy, insecure and splendidly oddball character. Am I so taken with it because I see a part of myself reflected here? I think I do in a way, but it’s only a small part. Reality is far more complex than that. Suffice it to repeat that I admire the style.