Selflessness and Self-Interest.

A friend of mine intends to do something that is clearly driven by a romantic motive. Romance is an area replete with the most powerful of motivations; it carries the headiest of scents; it can be the most powerful narcotic to those who are romantically inclined; it can blind us to every counter interest that gets in the way. 

In this case it doesn’t seem so bad. On the surface it appears relatively inconsequential, innocent even. She claims to mean it innocently, but experience leaves me in no doubt that it carries the risk of causing hurt to herself, the object of her affections, and at least two other parties. You might call them ‘innocent’ parties. She asked for my thoughts on the matter, and so I gave them. I was careful not to advise because it’s none of my business, and because the question of self-interest over selflessness is not as simple as it might seem.

 

Selflessness is obviously a fine quality, and one to which I think we should all generally aspire. In a perfect world we would all put the interests of others above our own, or so we might tell ourselves. Except it couldn’t work, of course, because we would all be rooted to the spot saying ‘After you.’ ‘No, after you.’ It’s perhaps more realistic to say that in a perfect world nobody would knowingly or recklessly do anything to harm another. But even that isn’t altogether clear cut because the question of priorities comes into play, and comparing one case against another is often not simple. The basic point to be made, however, is that the world isn’t perfect. It has no perfect people in it. As far as I know, it never has been perfect and there’s no realistic prospect of it ever becoming so. There will always be cases when one person’s driving desire or need will impinge upon the rights, liberties or interests of another. And that can apply to anybody at any time.

 

This is not a call to excuse selfish behaviour, let alone endorse it. It’s merely a call to exercise circumspection, to consider more carefully the instinct to blame, punish, and seek revenge. There will be times when such instincts will be fully justified; but when we point an angry finger at a malefactor, we should be aware that somebody else’s finger might be pointed in anger at us tomorrow. And we have to accept that there will be times when a man really does have to do what a man has to do. That’s life.