OK, I think it’s about time I was honest.
Why do I feel the need to be honest? Well, that’s difficult to say because it means being presumptuous, and I dislike being presumptuous. It’s what I’m going to do, though. I’m going to presume – based on a flimsy body of evidence, you understand – that there are a few people out there who enjoy reading my blog. I don’t know why they should, but it seems they do. Those people have come to matter to me, and I feel I owe them something. I owe them honesty.
I realise that my recent posts haven’t been very fair. They’ve been cryptic, and the whole purpose of being cryptic is to say ‘Most of you won’t understand this, only the chosen one or two who have the arcane knowledge to interpret it.’ That’s bad. It’s arrogant and elitist. It’s childish. I should be above that sort of thing, and it isn’t respectful to those people who honour me with their interest. Maybe that’s why my cyber space is empty at the moment.
The truth of the matter is this. I did something silly recently. I don’t want to go into detail because it would embarrass me and it might embarrass a third party. Let’s just say that I opened a door I shouldn’t have opened. I should have known better. God knows I’m experienced enough in the matter of life; I should know how to protect myself by now. I’m not being consciously cryptic again here; I’m just being necessarily economical with the facts. The result of my indiscretion was a severe assault on the most sensitive part of my make up. I’m quite tough in some ways, but in others I’m softer than a cowpat after a downpour. And that’s the truth. The hole I referred to in my last post really is there. The analogy was fictional, as analogies always are, but the source of the matter is real enough. And it’s nobody’s fault but mine.
That’s it. I intend to resume normal service as soon as possible.
10 comments:
You owe us no exegesis of your words, J. I enjoy your prose even though I may not be privy to its nuances.
I don't think protecting yourself should be a priority, Jeff. What is the point? You should experience, lust, hurt, that's the most you can expect from this life.
I know you're a Romantic. So take what you can, avoid nothing, protect nothing. Allow anything and everything to be touch and be touched.
Honesty and all, you're still being cryptic. That's okay, no need to tell us, your audience, of all godforsaken people. But really, I'm sorry to hear you're not doing well – and hope things will improve for you very soon. Take care.
p.s.: I like the cowpat analogy, b.t.w., it sticks
Dominique: I think you might have missed one, then.
Zoe: Though I might generally agree with you, the issue involved once came to within a whisker of killing me - literally. Even a Romantic has to learn to respect his pain threshold and know how far beyond it he can go.
Della: Godforsaken? Hardly. I've known worse than this, and everything will be OK again eventually. It always is.
Thank you all.
I think that you are entitled to being cryptic about personal matters. Sometimes its for the better, depending on what.
Missed a post? Or missed blowing a gasket over your eloquent reticence?
Thanks, Carms. Glad you're still here.
Dominique: Missed a nuance. 'Eloquent reticence!' Flatterer!
With you in spirit, J.
"Everything I understand, I understand only because I love." -Leo Tolstoy
Thanks, Shay. And how readily people misuse the word 'love.'
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