A Hitch in Transmission.

I’m having difficulty making posts lately. I’m almost constantly stressed, you see, forever teetering on the edge of the corrosive mire of anxiety, the hot cauldron of anger or the cold pit of depression, and I take frequent dips into all three.

The past few years have been dominated by the losing principle – all manner of things from hair to people to personal freedoms – and it gets to you a bit after a while. I know what I want and what I don’t want; the problem comes with getting one and getting rid of the other. The result is that both serious focus and frivolous abandon are brief and infrequent visitors at the moment.

Take last night, for example. I wrote quite a long post on the rediscovery of Deva Premal on YouTube, and the difficulty I have with earnest people who think they’ve found God or some other form of spiritual enlightenment. (Siddhartha and I have some characteristics in common.) But it was very late; I read it back and it seemed both turgid and confused, so I deleted it and went to bed.

On a lighter note (ha!) I did have two firsts this weekend:

The first first was getting four numbers up on the Lottery. It’s the first time I’ve had four numbers in the nineteen years I’ve been playing the game. According to the website, it means I’ve won £64. That’s about $100 (I think) for the benefit of Americans who can’t be bothered to work it out. That’s quite a lot of money to me, but I decline to trust Lady Luck until she’s sitting in the back left-hand pocket of my jeans.

The second first was getting a junk e-mail in French. That was really exciting, and I was tempted to click on the link just for the experience of being defrauded in a foreign language. I wasn’t feeling that adventurous, though, so I didn’t.

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. Thank you for watching the test card.