Several people recently have made mention of words they like and words they dislike. One of my favourite words is ‘effulgent.’ One of my least favoured is ‘penis.’ I’m not sure why, but I always cringe slightly when I hear that word. I suppose it’s because there’s a clinical ring to it that hardly does justice to the object in question. What’s more, it’s a mean sort of clinical. Its phonetics are sharp and its conclusion sibilant. It’s cold, harsh and heartless. It’s a Hitlerian sort of word.
Unfortunately, its vernacular cousins have an unpleasant ring to them, too. They’re overly bucolic, lacking both finesse and humour. Given the nature of what they describe, I suppose any attempt at finesse would be misplaced, which is why I’m happiest with the humorous euphemisms based on names. Three stand out, if you’ll excuse the pun.
‘Willy,’ as evidenced by Rowan Atkinson’s comic Frenchman claiming that Nelson’s Column is an intentionally phallic symbol. ‘It’s not Nelson’s column, it’s Nelson’s willy!’
‘Percy,’ which even had a film named after it. When an Englishman explains to his mates in the pub that he needs to take a leak, he is wont to say ‘Just off to point Percy at the porcelain.’ It’s my guess that Aussie men probably have at least a dozen variations.
My favourite, though, is one that was common when I was in my teens. ‘Doctor, I’ve got this terrible pain in me J Henry Arthur.’
Long winded it might be, but it’s worth it. J Henry Arthur definitely carries the day.
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