I’ve said ‘I love you’ at some point to all my partners. Oddly, I don’t find it at all difficult to say as long as feelings are running high. But that’s the problem. When I say it, it’s my heart talking, not my head. It seems like the most natural thing to say to express an intensity of feeling; it fits the requirements of the present moment perfectly. And in that sense it’s truly meant. It isn’t a device to elicit some required reciprocation. The problem is this:
Firstly, what I mean by it might not accord with what a particular woman understands it to mean, in which case it’s possible that I’m deluding, if not actually deceiving, her. This is the problem with all verbal expressions of emotion; we all place our own values and interpretations on emotional phenomena. They’re inherently subjective.
The bigger difficulty, though, comes when I try to rationalise the word ‘love.’ The pragmatic part of my make up simply can’t place a definition on it; and so when the intensity of feeling settles to a more mundane level, as it routinely does, the statement ‘I love you’ becomes meaningless and therefore ill-advised. It seems like lying, even if it isn’t.
Women have been known to dislike this aspect of my nature, although I suspect it’s true of a lot of men and is what gives rise to the common complaint.
7 comments:
yup, i am a MAN! lol thanks for making me see the light on this issue...hahahaha
Nah, only women do the feisty female thing the way you do, Zhen.
While, it's essential to hear "I Love You" to your partner, either male or female, I think talk can be cheap. How does a man show he loves me is really more important. We all have different "love languages" and need to communicate with our partner about how we preferred to be shown love and how we best love. Sometimes, an understanding can take place where greater intimacy and insight happens when we can pause our ego and listen from the heart concerning our partners.
As Wendy said, "Talk is cheap". And "Actions speak louder than words."
While it is easy to get caught up in the moment and say things, it is a person's actions that speak volumes.
Women, I think, do have a need to 'hear' the words more than men. No doubt due to our physical/mental make-up.
I agree that talk can be cheap. I've known men who would say 'I love you' just to get a girl to drop her knickers! I find that despicable, but who am I to judge? I have other things to feel guilty about.
So why do women feel the need to hear it more than men? Is it just ego, or insecurity, or both? I'm still learning here, you understand. Never too late, eh?
Maybe some of both ego and insecurity. And the fact that women are more emotional creatures.
And I think the conditioning of society comes into play. Women see it on tv, read it in books - "a man will say those three words if you truly mean something to him". Just like we are conditioned to believe that a diamond means love. A great advertising ploy.
Right. Bit like Santa Claus, then.
HoHoHo
Post a Comment