Pearls Before Swine.

I went for my latest set of CT scans today, and the first thing they did was give me a little dress to put on with a so called ‘dressing gown’ to go over the top. I decided to think of the dress as a smock because it sounds more gender neutral, but it still meant that I had to sit out in the waiting area with my lower legs bare and my feet still encased in shoes and socks, feeling ridiculous. But then a woman came in, about mid-thirties, and she was wearing pyjamas (well, scrubs I suppose.) I had those last time I was there and they were pretty neat. When you’re in a hospital, scrubs make you look like you belong. And you don’t have bare legs sticking out for all the world to see.

‘Here, how come they gave me a dress but you got the pyjamas?’ I asked her.

She seemed amused. She was the only person in the whole hospital who seemed amused by anything I said today. I think they must be feeling the pressure.

And then I noticed that there were several people in the waiting area on beds – clearly inpatients who had been brought down for scans. And my God did they look ill. I’ve never seen that before. When I’ve had previous CT scans, the others waiting for their turn were all ambulant outpatients sitting in chairs.

Fortunately, it wasn’t long before I got called into the scan suite for my scan. As usual, the two radiographers were young women.

‘Are you really excited that you’ve got a fit young bloke to work on instead of all those ill old women I keep seeing?’ I asked. They didn’t bite. Pressure, I expect.

And when it was all over and I was having my cannula taken out, I said to the withdrawing woman:

‘Tell you what, there are an awful lot of ill people in here today.’

‘That’s because it’s a hospital,’ she replied frostily.

See what I mean?