Not a Fan of Bodies.

I will admit that certain parts of the human body are reasonably pleasing, but what about those which aren’t? These are the four Great Ugly Things – genitals, buttocks, noses and toes. I think it a reasonable hypothesis that the GUTs were designed by an incompetent assistant while the Great Architect was sleeping off the effects of a night with the nyads.

And that’s only on the outside. When you think of the stinky, slimy stuff slopping about on the inside, it really makes you wish you’d been born a tree.

And what’s kissing all about. Why do people have to press their slobbering mouths against other people’s slobbering mouths just to prove they like them? Do we not have language? Why do we have to eschew the primary means of communication and resort to a knocking of teeth and exchange of saliva? I mean, what person in his or her right mind would ever want somebody else’s saliva in their mouth?

As for sex, that particular form of recreation takes the biscuit for sheer grossness and absurdity. One person sticks a bit of itself into another person, makes a lot of silly noises which have nothing to do with the primary means of communication, and the result is a third little person who will go on to behave just as idiotically themselves one day. If God really is the omnipotent being we are led to believe, surely he would have been aware of the test tube and its potential application.

And that’s why I have serious reservations about those who enter the medical profession. What sort of person willingly devotes their life to touching the physical manifestation of other people? I watched them while I was in hospital, and when they turned their attention on me I was beside myself with incomprehension.