Tuesday, 15 October 2019

Gaining the Upper Hand.

I got waylaid today by two young women representing a charity for deaf children. The main spokesperson followed the usual routine:

‘I’m Jessica. What’s your name?’

That’s normal – establish first name familiarity to encourage trust and conviviality.

‘Do you have children of your own?’

That’s also normal, and when I told her the age of my daughter she feigned surprise that I was old as I must be to have a daughter that age. Pay a compliment at the earliest opportunity.

‘So how old are you really?’ she continued. I declined to answer as I usually do.

‘What’s your shoe size?’ asked her companion. That isn’t normal, and when I freely offered the information she giggled and said ‘Aha!’ I haven’t quite worked that one out yet.

So then I engaged them in conversation until they became bored with me and made it clear that they wanted me to move on. It’s a technique I developed some years ago when approached by a couple of Mormon missionaries, only on that occasion it was they who moved on. But since today’s spokesperson was young, female, passably attractive, and not a missionary, I offered my hand upon parting. I don’t do that with Mormon missionaries (or anybody else trying to sell me religion.) And do you know, it’s so long since I held a young woman’s hand, albeit briefly and with impeccable propriety, and I’d quite forgotten how nice they are.

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