For Whose Benefit Forgiveness?

I’ve been haunted a lot lately by something I did many years ago which caused an innocent person to suffer pain and maybe even lasting damage. I’ve asked myself whether I would feel better if that person were to come to me and say ‘I forgive you.’ Frankly, I don’t think I would. I did what I did, and what I did cannot be undone whether I be forgiven or not. I’m sure that to forgive is better than not to forgive, but ultimately it seems beneficial only to the victim, not the guilty.

It seems to me that the important thing is to feel the shame of realising that you caused suffering by the exercise of self-interest. Out of shame grows guilt, out of guilt reflection, out of reflection a new attitude, and from a new attitude comes growth. Growth doesn’t make you feel any better about what you did back then, but it does make you feel better about who you are now. Taking succour from forgiveness is surely too easy.

And on the subject of life in general, I would like to get to my end feeling that I have become a better being through the exercise of the time allowed. Simply being let off the hook won’t do.