Well, I’d say that I haven’t really enjoyed this summer as
much as I would like to have done. How much of this is imagination I don’t
know, but it seemed that we had too many days when it rained, too many cold nights,
and too much wind. And I couldn’t perambulate the lanes, footpaths and woods of
the Shire because this vascular problem with my leg wouldn’t allow it. Summer
used to be mostly about perambulation, to sink into a sense of nature and the
elements and the landscape, but not this year. And what’s more, as we come to
the end of it I don’t know who is still in my life and who isn’t.
Not that it matters much because I’m developing a new sense
of self-perception. I’m starting to feel like one of those characters in sci-fi
movies who’s been bitten by some strange animal or alien entity and is now
morphing into something inhuman. Not necessarily sub- or superhuman, you
understand, just inhuman.
Because I often consider the question of whether I feel
superior or inferior to the run of humanity, and the answer is ‘sometimes one,
sometimes the other, but ultimately neither.’ The simple fact is that I’ve
never felt I belonged to the herd. No matter what situation I was in, I always
felt apart from the rest. Sometimes it was a mere hand span of distance, and
sometimes a country mile. And now when I look in the mirror I see a creature
lifted straight from the X Files, and it all makes sense.
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