Thursday, 22 August 2019

Joy at Lunchtime.

It’s become a habit of mine at lunchtime to flick through the TV channels – at least about the first thirty of them – in the hope of finding something to watch while I’m eating. It’s a little absurd, actually, because I never find anything worthwhile and it tends to drop my mental state into a dark and musty place where Mr Negative is king while Mr Positive languishes in a dungeon.

It’s the adverts which are the most abhorrent abusers of my mental state. Lunchtime TV adverts mostly fall into one of three categories:

1. The elderly person who is content almost to the state of delirium because he or she has discovered that the Acme Insurance Company is his very best friend and not a bunch of whizz kids in suits trying to get as much money as possible out of him. This is probably the worst of the categories because it really does encourage in me the genuine desire to die before I get there.

2. The late middle aged and comfortably off suburbanite who thinks that happiness is a new – and often aesthetically hideous – sofa which costs more than some people spend on food in a year. I admit to having gone through this stage myself in my twenties, but saw through it and left it behind when I moved house to a place closer to nature.

3. The gambling ads which generally show groups of purportedly smart young things jumping about like a troupe of deranged chimpanzees with advanced dementia. These are clearly aimed at people with nothing better to do in the middle of the day than watch the box in the corner, and whose few brain cells have long since atrophied beyond hope.

So why do I do it? Why, to observe of course. It’s what I do, and it’s what I have to do because my only activity of note these days is writing. Housework is a chore; gardening is a chore; I can’t go for walks to observe either the workings of nature or the urban jungle at the moment because my left leg won’t let me; and I don’t get visitors because I’m not the kind of person who does.

That’s the explanation, and I’ve smoked three cigarettes while writing this in an instinctive attempt to keep the negative vibes to a manageable level. It probably isn’t good for me, but it might yet perform a useful service. Off to do some housework now.

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