Missing the Big One.

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I never seem to have the time or opportunity to give the old blog the attention I like to give it. When I do finally settle down after darkness has fallen on The Shire, all I want to do is make a pot of coffee and watch The Legend of Korra on DVD. (I finished it tonight, by the way. Verdict? Erm.. better than average… definitely watchable.)

But there’s also something bothering me of late: I’m feeling that my life has been a failure because I haven’t done what I came here to do. But what did I come here to do? How am I supposed to know? I’ve had a few successes in life, but they’ve all been personal. I haven’t changed anyone’s state of being for the better. I’ve left no legacy save my fiction and my blog, and they’re not worth a hill o’ beans. I haven’t made the world a better place. The big project has been overlooked, but I don’t know what the big project was.

Of course, if you take the opinion espoused by Albert Camus, this is all rubbish. There is no such thing as a big project. You get through the accident we call life and then you’re finished. Period. But Camus was a philosopher and philosophers have nothing to back up their claims. They’re a bit like Trump insisting that he won the election. They can squawk and ramble all they like, but I need evidence. I feel as though I’ve missed the goal because I couldn’t see it, and I don’t like that.