Adding a Little Spice.

I was just listening to an old favourite track of mine by the German band, Faun, called Adam Lay Ybounden. It occurred to me that it would be great fun to get together six pairs of young men and women from the village and school them in a pagan-style performance involving elements of procession, dance and simulated sex, to be given on the village hall car park during the annual garden show in the autumn. It didn’t escape my notice that there is a distinct whiff of The Wicker Man about it.

Imagine the reaction, eh? I know one elderly farmer’s wife who is quite unmovable on the question of propriety and moral rectitude, and I would love to see her face during the raunchy bits. It would be well worth the inconvenience of having a few hundredweight of cow dung deposited on my car by way of retribution, although the possibility of being driven to the local church and having my throat cut immediately beneath the east window might be problematical.

It won’t happen, of course, because I’m not a choreographer. But a chap has to dream when he has no credible aspirations left, and it would make a fine counterpoint to the Least Knobbly Potatoes competition.