The landlord’s new agent came alone today, and although I wasn’t wholly unsuccessful in defending my difficult corner, his visit left me feeling more unsettled than I have for a long time. I didn’t like him one bit. For all his pretended affability, his impeccable politeness, and his protestations of the rational and reasonable, there was an air about him that was almost palpable. It spoke of assumed superiority, of the need to control, and of the unchallengeable rules laid out in the narrow professional and implacably materialistic code that is the mainstay of his mindset. His upper crust voice, his big, brand new Volvo, his county set clothing and generally dismissive demeanour left me in no doubt that he and I don’t really belong in the same world. And after he’d gone, this house and garden that have become almost sacrosanct to me, and which have come to represent the essence of who I am these days, felt polluted.
Unfortunately, I have to play the game by his rules or leave. And so there are things I have to do, and I’m likely to feel unsettled for some time to come. I won’t bore you with the details.
So then I watched some bits of things on the TV, including the news, and it seemed to me that there is a hint of unwholesome change taking place around the world. I began to get the sense that from Wisconsin to Libya, and from Whitehall to Beijing, harsh religious, commercial and political interests are trying to take ever more narrow and exclusive control. I have the feeling that there’s something in the air, and that there are difficult times ahead. I would like to be proved wrong.
4 comments:
I know the feeling well. There's a heavy air floating around, and I don't like it one bit. I'm going to move to the top of a hill in the middle of nowhere and ignore the rest of the world.
I also feel that way about what's going on the world lately. It's very scary and I wonder if we've all had our heads in the sand – assuming naively that the world was getting better every day – while these forces gather momentum. Your landlord's man there sounds like a microcosm of the problem. I truly understand that you don't feel like you belong in the same world, I experience this too with people. Often I think it's just me and my contrary ways, but maybe the shadow is indeed growing.
Dark happenings, but they can only last for so long. After all, control is an illusion.
Kaetlyn: I fear that the mechanisns have a way of finding you wherever you go.
Della: Although the post was about control, all these natuarl disaters goping on make me wonder whether it's something even bigger.
Mel: I keep telling myself that everything is ultimately an illusion. But even illusion can be very unsettling when you feel trapped in it and something you've come to value very highly is under real threat.
Post a Comment