Coincience and an Unfamiliar Twinge.

I was reading today about the two mass shootings which were prominent in the international news, those at Bondi Beach in Sydney and Brown University in Rhode Island. I felt connected to them, you see, because during the last fifteen years since I started writing this blog a number of women rose to very high rank on my list of important people. One was the priestess who was born and raised in Sydney and lived there for most of the duration of our correspondence, and another was Madeline (aka The Borg) who completed her PhD at Brown. I wondered why fate should connect me with two tragedies, albeit a long way removed.

And then this afternoon something odd happened, which might or might not be connected. So let’s go back some years to when I was still a relatively young man (playing to dear old Dickens here.)

Christmas, the celebration of… The last time I had a Christmas tree in my house was in 1989, and the first Christmas I ever spent alone was in 1990. (The connection should be obvious.) I felt a slight sense of trepidation at the prospect of spending Christmas alone for the first time in my life, but I needn’t have worried. I discovered that I liked it. I think it was the first intimation I had that I was really a loner at heart; that having only myself for company was both freeing and lacking the pressure to contribute and belong. And over the intervening years Christmas gradually faded to a matter of little or no consequence.

But this afternoon, after reading about the shootings and being made aware of the imminent arrival of Christmas by various media, I suddenly felt lonely. And the first thing that occurred to me was the desire to bump into the Lady B and ask: ‘Do you have a Christmas tree in your house?’

I suppose it must indicate that some part of my consciousness still accepts that togetherness has value after all. Can’t think of any other reason why I should suddenly be made prey to such an unfamiliar feeling.