Lost in Uncertainties.

I once wrote a post proposing the idea that nothing actually exists as we perceive the definition of ‘existence.’ It was a very simple proposition: The past doesn’t exist because it’s gone; the future doesn’t exist because it hasn’t happened yet; and the concept of ‘now’ doesn’t exist because the flow of time never stops.

But of course, the counter argument is that it’s a matter of how we perceive the phenomenon we call ‘now.’ We tend to regard it, rather lazily I suppose, as a fixed concept. The boss might say ‘I don’t want it tomorrow, or next week, or even in an hour’s time. I want it now.’ And that’s the simple reason why certain people of moderate wisdom argue that now is the only thing that exists. It’s just a matter of understanding that ‘now’ is a feature of existence which is in a state of continuous motion.

That’s fine, but existential enquiry gets more complicated than that. We could argue the case that solidity has no objective reality, and that colour is not a quality of an object but is created entirely in the brain. We could consider the theory that every fact of existence – past, present, and future – still exists because experiences do not move through us with the passage of time, but that it is actually us who move through a permanent state of experiences. And that’s before we consider the nature of time itself, the study of which I admit goes over my head. And where in all this is the dimension generally held under the all-encompassing banner of ‘spirituality’? That’s where the edge of the continental shelf is reached and beyond it is only unknown depth and impenetrable darkness, some of which certain people claim to have explored. But how do you know whether to believe them or not, and whether their findings were truly real?

And that’s the point of this post. I’ve been engaged in existential – and particularly spiritual – enquiry ever since I saw through certain absurdities inherent in standard Christian doctrine at the age of about 12. I’ve gained many insights but I still have a massive jigsaw on the table before me with only a few of the pieces in the right place. (At least I think they’re in the right place.)

But now I’m growing tired of it all. I’m considering whether I should shut it all out and concentrate on the delights of nature, the fortunes of my local football team, and whether there is a person somewhere in this world who might one day make me a baked Alaska. And time is running short.

I don’t know whether I can shut the matter of existential enquiry inquiry in a locked box and put it away; it’s too big a component of who I am. But I think I might try.