Hitting the Sense of Self.

Following the surgical procedure on Wednesday, the troublesome leg had its first light test today. Only half a mile – being downhill out and uphill back – but for the first time in around eighteen months there was no hint of cumulative aching on the uphill stretch. I usually have to stop and rest at some point, but not today. Early days yet, but preliminary encouragement is better than deep disappointment.

And the change brought into focus the fact that a problem such as this is not confined to the pain and inconvenience. It’s also psychological since it affects one’s sense of self. You watch people walking normally, doing something they take for granted and don’t even think about, and you feel that you are no longer a fully functioning member of the species. It can easily make you feel inferior.

And then I realised that something similar must afflict women who require mastectomies. In most cases the loss causes no practical problem, and the cosmetic issue is easily hidden. I assume most women must suffer more from the psychological effect – suddenly feeling that she is no longer a fully functioning member of the gender and probably feeling inferior in consequence. I truly sympathise.