Finding the Lady.

I discovered quite by accident tonight (I swear, it really was by accident) that Emma Watson is shorter than me. That fact in itself means very little if anything at all, but it can, therefore, be extrapolated that the film version of Hermione Granger is also shorter than me.

This is big news because it means that if only I could get Emma Watson hypnotised and persuaded that she really is the film version of Hermione Granger – and think and act and talk like Hermione Granger – it means I could be on my way to getting the perfect woman after all. (Yes, I know she would also have to be persuaded that a mixture of Quasimodo and Wurzel Gummidge with a bit of Methuselah thrown in is a highly desirable prospect, but that would be the easy bit.)