Essential Instructions.

I bought a new hedge trimmer today and was just browsing idly through the instruction manual in case there was anything I’d been missing through all the years of using hedge trimmers. I came across a gem. It concerned the battery pack. Apparently, I mustn’t knock nails into it, hit it with a hammer, stamp on it, or throw it against hard surfaces.

*  *  *

This reminds me of a government sponsored course I was once sent on (for fifteen torturous and utterly wasted weeks) during a period of unemployment. It was intended to make me more competitive in the jobs market, and one lesson was dedicated to that most vital piece of knowledge: What not to do in an interview. I had to write on a piece of paper (yes write, with a pen…)

I must not swear at the interviewer.

I wrote it down. I did. (It was government sponsored, after all.) And then I waited for the handout which I assumed would say:

You must attend interviews properly dressed. Remember that socks come in matching pairs and you must put one on each foot. Never go to an interview wearing both socks on the same foot.