It’s been announced today that archaeologists digging in the
Leicester car park have discovered a credible
candidate for the body of Richard III. It was in about the right place,
apparently, and has a spinal abnormality, an arrow head in its back, and a
bashed in skull. And it probably isn’t General Custer. There’s much excitement,
as you can imagine, but they say it could take up to twelve weeks to complete
the necessary genetic verification.
Just think: when I was a rep many moons ago, I did a lot of
work in Leicester. I might have parked in that
very car park; I might even have parked on top of the body of Dicky Three. (That’s
how we refer to our monarchs over here, you know. The present Queen is known
colloquially as ‘Lizzie Two-two’s.’ No she isn’t. I made that up. I sometimes
wonder whether I might be bi-polar, and do you know what? When an American
first suggested that possibility to me, I’d never heard the term before. I
thought she was suggesting I might be of uncertain sexual polarity, and I was
not amused. Or maybe I was; I don’t remember which pole I was at that day.)
So there you have it. Maybe we history freaks are in for a
rare Christmas present. I wonder what they’ll do with the skeleton if it does
prove to be him. Give him a second chance, I suppose. It would seem only fair, wouldn’t
it? And I’m sure he’d know all the best places to salt away the current crop of
damn politicians.
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