I was up a ladder trimming the top of the tall, tough field boundary hedge which runs for 100ft down the side of my garden. It’s rather broad and so requires the use of a heavy pole hedge trimmer (I bought a new one recently because the blades on the old one were becoming blunt and the growth in that hedge is a mixture of tough stuff like hawthorn, briar, holly and so on.) It’s tiring work and my ageing body suffers quite badly, but there’s nobody else available to take over so I don’t have much choice.
I’d finished one section and started to climb down the ladder – carrying the heavy hedge trimmer in one hand – but mistook the second step for the bottom one (I think I’ve done that at least three times this year.) Matters were made worse by the fact that the piece of earth for which my foot was headed was lower than piece on which the ladder was standing. The result was that I fell over backwards when my foot did eventually make solid ground (or maybe a little before) with the result that I ended up on my back in a supine position, half on the garden and half on the lawn.
And the matter didn’t quite end there. I’d dropped the heavy hedge trimmer on the way down, but the ladder came down in sympathy with my predicament and land on top of me. Metal ladders are heavy, but fortunately it missed my face and merely pinned me to the ground by my left shoulder and rib cage. Blessings be to the Divine Lady Mother for that.
So how did I feel? A little shocked, a little weak, a little dazed, but mostly very foolish. I’d heard nothing snap and had no sharp pains, but I did have a small predicament. I couldn’t sit up. My head was facing downhill, you see, and in their weakened condition my abdominal muscles wouldn’t lift me. I did briefly wonder whether this was the end and heaven beckoned, but decided it was simply a matter of mechanics. I’d already managed to lift the ladder off my left shoulder and rib cage, so I was able to turn my body through 180°. My head was now facing uphill and sitting up was almost as easy as usual. (A little ‘phew!’ at that point.) Standing up was more difficult because I still felt weak and my legs ached, but I managed it. And then I carried on. And nobody came to my aid because that’s how life is when you’re a loner.
All that happened about four hours ago and I still feel light-headed. I’ve also got an aching back, and I’m sure I can hear a little voice emanating from somewhere in the middle of my chest. ‘Be more careful next time,’ it’s muttering. ‘Watch where you’re putting your feet so you don’t miss the bottom rung. Don’t you know I’ve got an underperforming left ventricle? Idiot!) I think I know where it’s coming from.
There’s still a small section left to trim, by the way. I can only hope that the underperforming left ventricle doesn’t stop performing altogether before it’s done. I’ve always been the sort to insist on finishing any job I start, you see. It’s one of my weaknesses.
And it occurs to me that I could have made a post which simply said ‘I fell off a ladder today.’ It’s unsurprising that nobody talks to me these days, isn’t it?
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