Inviting the Big Bang.

I’m one of those strange specimens of humanity who have a very high IQ but can be oddly deficient in the mere matter of common sense.

Today, it being the right time of year, I decided to trim the tall stand of forsythia which hugs the house wall next to my small porch. It involved using a ladder, a small hedge trimmer, and a long pole hedge trimmer. The hours leading up to starting the job had been pleasantly clement, with high cloud, little breeze, sunny periods, and a warmer airflow than we’ve been getting of late. I placed the ladder against the shrub, and then heard the first clap of thunder.

‘This is probably not a good idea,’ I thought. ‘I’ll be on a metal ladder with metal tools which have a few drops of water standing on them from the light shower we’ve just had. What more invitation does an impending build-up of lightning need to head in your direction?’

I estimated that the clap of thunder had occurred two or three miles away to the north west and decided to carry on regardless. I climbed the ladder, long pole hedge trimmer in hand, and the storm got closer, and closer…

‘Ah, what the hell,’ I thought – being all the time cognisant of the fact that lightning does occasionally kill people – ‘it won’t take long; just get on with it.’ So get on with it I did, and when I’d finished, the electrical storm stopped. Maybe it was disappointed at having missed a golden opportunity, but maybe that’s just me being fanciful again. And there were no wrecks, nobody drownded, and no human-sized pieces of roast meat littering the path in front of my living room window.

Afterwards, it occurred to me that I would never allow a child to climb a metal ladder during an electrical storm, nor carry anything made of metal for that matter. And if I’d had a partner, I would have done my best to persuade her of the same caution. But since it was only me at risk, I accepted it. So what does that say about me? That I’m more scared of losing a loved one than losing myself? That I’m more cautious when I have responsibility for others? I don’t know.

Further, I ask myself whether this is a British thing, an aspect of human nature generally, or an example of me being an idiot. I don’t know that either.